How to master and command the eRiots.

The Dear knows that the Napoleonic era has much to teach us, especially on penal policy. In responding to the British consumer-oriented flash mob eRiots and eRobberies [1] we should  follow the policies that Jack Aubrey, MP, would suggest.

Captain Aubrey highly values social order, but tempers his opinions with as much compassion as his situation allows.

He would be reserved in his use of eFlogging, and that only in cases of drunkenness (by naval standards), sodomy and damaging the paintwork. He would certainly withdraw grog from repeat offenders, and would perhaps allow the use of an ePillory and/or eStocks. Mutineers and murderers could expect no mercy, but thieves would not be hanged. Instead they would either be ePressed into the eNavy or subjected to eTransportation to eBotany eBay.

Dr. Maturin was unavailable for comment, having been distracted by a piece of nondescript wildlife.

[1] US and EU Patents Applied for: Communication apparatus and coordination method for transgressive social communication among the yoof